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There is an art and science to being a good parent to our grown children. Where once our word was law, now its just a suggestion. It comes as a shock for a parent to realize that these are young men and women and it is their time to lead their own lives
There is an old saying that the parent is the bow and the child is the arrow. If we have been good bows we will have instilled good values and hopefully good judgement in our children.
It is rather hard to tell my 35 year old, very gorgeous pharmaceutical rep daughter with the six figure salary, company car and perks to die for how to live her life. She and her four lovely girls are doing just fine. The best Dad can do is to love her and, if she wishes, offer wise counsel.
My middle child, lovely, rather exotic Kristen works in the Entertainment Industry (it is LA after all) for a company that handles distribution, contracts and royalties for companies like Red Box and Netflix. She has a wicked wit and a great sense of humor.
Her little boy Sean is so handsome he might become a “Hollywood Heartthrob” someday! With Kris you listen and then show her that you care. She needs a good mirror and I provide it.
For a man, sons are a bit different because Dads tend to see themselves in their male children. Evan, my youngest is in IT sales and is a bit of a geek but way taller than me and movie star handsome. He is sometimes a bit intense like Dad and can be a goof at times but that is what makes him so lovable. He is married to a lovely RN named Naomi and has a little boy I call Eli with curly hair and bright blue eyes…sooo handsome.
My role in this still growing family of 13 is to be a good mirror and wise counsel when they need and want it. I quietly ask them if they are willing to live with the results of what they are saying, doing or choosing. I show them the end of the path that they are on without judgement. That is the role of the wise counselor.
Here are 4 Rev. Dore’ rules for adult child parenting:
1. Do not try to live your life through your children. You have your life and they have theirs. You are no longer responsible for their success or failure. Give them the space to be themselves, even if that means a mistake or pothole in their path.
2. Expect that for all that they remind you of you and their Mother (or Father), that they are going to be very different from you. You did not Xerox your children, you gave birth to them. They are not copies of you.
3. Stay out of judgement. We get into judgement with our children because we feel that their mistakes cast us in a bad light and that its our fault. They are responsible for their own lives and what they do has little or nothing to do with you and I as parents. Be a wise counselor, show them where their chosen path will lead and what the consequences will be. Be a good mirror for them because just like you and I, they don’t see themselves as they really are.
4. Just love them! What they really want from a parent is not advice but an ear, a hug and love when no one else will give it. They want acceptance for who and what they are.
In fact, that is a good way to treat everyone in your life! Until we are together again, be well and be happy!
Rev. Dore’ Jacques Patlian Check out my 120 video podcasts on YouTube.com/revdore For more information about Religious Science or The Science of Mind log on to CSL.org and find the nearest Center for Spiritual Living near you.